Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize