i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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