I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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