no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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