jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize