did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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