I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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