Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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