So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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