i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize