You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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