I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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