i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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