it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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