i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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