Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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