Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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