We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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