i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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