i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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