my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize