Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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