I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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