I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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