my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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