Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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