just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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