i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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