So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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