So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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