I'm so fucking centered right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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