Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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