The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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