youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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