Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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