sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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