I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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