why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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