So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize