I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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