I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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