had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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