i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize