But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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