Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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