I'm lost and stupid without you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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