That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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