I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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