I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize