It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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