some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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