and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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